I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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