I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
