Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Randomize
