Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
