We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
