and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
