Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize