Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
