i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
