am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Randomize
