At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
