I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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