I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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