i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
