that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
where are you?
Hypothermia
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
