Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
