There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
