Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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