I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
