My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
