Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
