i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Porn is love you can see.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
