You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
