I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
