I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
