Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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