So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I need water and some morals
Randomize
