He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
