i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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