No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
