I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
