Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
