maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
