Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Randomize
