dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
