he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
