He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
