Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
