They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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