its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
