I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
