Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
i now understand why vodka
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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