Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
