THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
