this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
