when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
