I could make wine with my vomit
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
