I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
