sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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