why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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