allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
