alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize