batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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