The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
