K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize
