Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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