redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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