He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
