we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
