I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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