Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
