I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
