i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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