She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
