I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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