1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Randomize
