What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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