it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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