well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
