My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
