if you like me you must not know who I am
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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