Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
